I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
whose ass print is on the piano?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
