We're facebook friends in real life
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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