If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
