good thing vaginas are great cup holders
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
