i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
