the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
