Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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