i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
