Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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