youre lurking in front of me
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
