I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dicks are not precious.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
