There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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