What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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