ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
