I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
