God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
