in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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