Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
