She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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