so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
