We're facebook friends in real life
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize