Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The air taste purple.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
