I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
