If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
