I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
