Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize