i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
