He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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