yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
