who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
too bad you live with your parents still
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
