Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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