Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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