I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
