I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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