We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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