i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
