She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
