there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
