Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
