apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
