I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
