What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
