I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
