If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
