I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
