Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
