I want to stick my p in your. b.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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