Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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