I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
