i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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