Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
