I haven't been this sober since birth.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
