is your mom at the bar?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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