Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
