There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
