im about as happy as oj after his trial
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
