By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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