dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Me too!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
