i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
