your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
