If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
