Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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