youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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