i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
