you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
