So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
