I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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