it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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