i may or may not be watching the land before time
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
