my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
