Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
