Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
