Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
