Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
