last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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