BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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