You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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