We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
