My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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