I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
