I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
