I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
