Plan B is the new Plan A
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
