Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
