sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
