Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
