I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
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