the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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