Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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